THE MARVELS OF THE WORLD

George Jean Nathan

A RESTAURANT orchestra that has never received a request to play "Un Peu D'Amour."

2.—A restaurant orchestra that, having received the request, has refused to comply with it.

3.—An interesting dentist.

4.—The man who, upon ordering a bottle of wine in a restaurant, and upon being shown the label by the waiter, has not nodded his head knowingly and approvingly.

5.—A comic comic-supplement, or an artistic art-supplement.

6.—Billie Burke in a good play, George Arliss in a bad one.

7.—A kind word for Charles Mellen, Esq.

8.—Anyone who has never quoted Milton nor misquoted Byron when writing about the dance.

9.—The correct pronunciation of "Maxixe."

10.—One of those pretty English barmaids you hear so much about.

11.—A cartoonist who has never drawn Bryan drinking grape juice or delivering a lecture at Chautauqua.

12.—A musical comedy with a lieutenant of the United States Navy as the villain.

13.—A serious American play in which the villain is not logically and actually the hero.

14.—An American actress who can pronounce the word "Monsieur."

15.—An American actor who can pronounce the word "Madame."

16.—An editorial writer who has never referred to the Panama Canal as "the Big Ditch."

17.—A dramatic critic who is honest enough to admit that he does not remember the actors who died before he was born.

18.—One of those "handsome traffic cops."

19.—A Parisienne who, on meeting an American man, does not employ the trick of whispering "il est tres gentil," in an audible sotto voce to her female companion.

20.—An American traveler who, upon returning from a visit to

Germany, does not observe that Berlin is really much gayer than Paris.

21.—Any complimentary allusion to Klaw and Erlanger.

22.—An illustrated magazine or newspaper that has never printed a picture of one of the Gould children.

23.—A person who can describe the taste of celery

24.—A mention of the Southern Railway without further comment of a humorous nature