Hollywood—sketched in acid

JOSEPH HENRY STEELE

Wending his way toward the great San Fernando Valley Fra Junipero Serra, pioneer Padre, is said to have paused at the foot of the hills and there celebrated the Sacrament of the Holy Wood.

Thence it was called Hollywood.

It is estimated that twenty-five percent of the lots in this area have been sold on the strength of their proximity to some movie star's home.

When indicating the motion picture industry one speaks of Hollywood, but actually the studios are scattered in Burbank, Culver City, Westwood, San Fernando Valley and Los Angeles.

Last Christmas artificial snow was blown on the Boulevard by wind machines from the studios.

Nature fakirs like Peter the Hermit are not an uncommon sight. Often they stand hairy-legged, hatless and sandal-footed, studying evening clothes in some shop window. Peter is an ascetic who lives in a tent. His only companion is a jackass and he sells fertilizer and spectacular photographs of himself in his cave to get the little money he needs.

There are seven bookstores here and 64 policemen on the force.

Neither the William Desmond Taylor murder nor the Fatty Arbuckle incident occurred within its borders.

A leading member of the literati is an exhobo.

There are oilwells on the same block with mansions.

On Sundays and holidays busses crowd the residential districts with rubbernecks "Seeing the Stars' Homes." An Iowa millionaire's chateau is pointed out as Will Rogers' residence, his being inconveniently five miles away.

There are restaurants to suit any gastronomic whim: Greek, Russian, Turkish, Hungarian, Spanish, Danish, Mexican, English, French, Chinese.

The citizens go to the theatre in evening clothes, golf attire, riding habits or tennis clothes; with top hats and without any hats.

The most risque night clubs are outside its limits. There are several in Culver City and one, slightly undress, in the sleepy hamlet of Sherman.

A former pants-presser is now a motionpicture executive; his butler holds two university degrees.

The Pilgrimage Play (Life of Christ) is presented annually in its hillside theatre onehalf mile from the late Valentino's former palace.

Very few screen stars actually reside here; their homes are in Beverly Hills, Bel-Air, Westwood, the hills and outlying settlements.

Ice cream cones, hot dogs and hamburgers are eaten in limousines parked at sidewalks.

Tourists go to a delicatessen ogling extras and bit players—and overlook Charles Chaplin seated in a corner.

Men play tennis stripped to the waist in the courts of the local Y. M. C. A., separated from the street by an open wire fence.

There are 88 fortune tellers, 16 astrologists, 20 spiritualists, 49 churches and Aimee Semple MacPherson.

Sunset Boulevard is aptly named; at sundown one going west drives right into the sun.

Night clubs have never succeeded here; the playboys like to make whoopee away from home. It's safer.

When the synthetic natives crave wickedness they journey across the Mexican border or visit a ship beyond the legal limits. A famous gambling club once flourished here but was compelled to close because of lack of business.

Most of the gambling takes place in dining rooms when a game called "Spelling" predominates. A letter on the menu is penciled; those gathered around the table call off the alphabet in sequence and the person naming the fatal letter loses—and pays the bill.

There are no accommodations for women in the local Bastille. The new jail has marble corridors and the most modern sanitary equipment.

The biggest selling piece of literature in the history of this new Parnassus was Chic Sale's The Specialist„

It is estimated that a thousand pepper trees and eucalypti have been destroyed to make way for civic progress.

In the luxurious, dining rooms a double negative passes unnoticed, but in the kitchen faultless English is spoken.

There are more police badges and deputy fire marshals per capita in Hollywood than in any other place in the world.

The population is 157,000. On days when the studios use large outdoor sets this number is increased by ambitious extras from outlying districts to about 175,000.

The average temperature in Winter is 62 degrees, in Summer, 75 degrees. The gin is 192 proof.

Forty banks are here and not one pawnshop. One large bank is said to use up ten rubber stamps annually which imprint "Insufficient Funds."

The Hollywood American Legion is the wealthiest post in the country. Its income is derived from prizefights once a week.

Griffith Park is the largest municipal park in the United States. It contains 3,751 acres most of which is occupied by impassable mountains.

A ham actor struts down the Boulevard with a monocle in his eye. He walks past a garage where a former grand duke works in overalls.

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There is a Bedouin standing immobile on the roof of the Egyptian theatre forever gazing down the Boulevard. He is a dummy.

The French heels of movie gals have left their imprints to posterity in concrete in the forecourt of the Chinese Theatre. Brass plates mark the chairs in the Egyptian theatre where once a cinema panjandrum sat.

One of the leading bootleggers is a Harvard graduate and has a daughter attending school at Lausanne, Switzerland.

The Chamber of Commerce resents the implication that this community owes its prosperity and growth to the picture industry.

With the coming of Broadway, sound and talking pictures have come and Cheap Chain Stores, Winsome Wench Dress Shoppes and Klassy Kut Klothes.

A real estate company has its offices in a sphinx and a night club is designed like a jail.

The words in widest use are marvelous, gag and ginger-ale.

Girls sell-box-lunches on main highways, their pretty legs actively attracting attention to their wares.

French, Italian, Mission, Moorish and Spanish design are frequently incorporated into one residence.

There is an orange grove on the Boulevard six blocks from the theatre and shopping district.

Since the advent of songwriters, large families and derby hats are a familiar sight on the Boulevard.

Hollywood is bounded on the North by Jim Jeffries' ranch, on the South by Jess Willard's real estate office, on the East by Jack Dempsey's hotel, and on the West by Jim Tully's critiques.