Astrology

Vanities

Is Pisces fishing for compliments?

ONE day, out of the blue, the minister's daughter hopped a bus for the big town. She got a job bartending and within six months was the hottest hooker on the strip. A year later she was chanting and eating brown rice out at the swami's commune in the valley. And last month she entered a management-training program at A.T.&T. Of course she's a Pisces.

People bom between February 19 and March 20 often jump off the lap of luxury to prowl the alley and get a close shave on the razor's edge. They want it all— want to do everything, be everything, load ten gallons into a sixgallon tank.

Ultimately, there's nothing in this world that will truly satisfy them, for whether they're an international diva or a Brooklyn bus driver, their happiness does not depend on wealth or glamour. They are the wild-eyed missionaries on welfare warning you about the latest government plot to take over our minds. Walter Mitty was a Pisces. So was Rip Van Winkle, and so are those fellows with sombreros over their eyes snoozing under trees. Because they see through the absurdity of the human shuffle, they seem unmotivated at times, but once seized with dedication they tend to become the Shoemaker's elves.

Two distinctly Piscean moments in human history: 2:59 P.M. on the first Good Friday and the instant you take the first sip of your second martini. Pisces is a universe of innuendo, implication, and inference.

If you ask a Pisces where he was last night, he will look nervously off to the right and start fidgeting with the tablecloth. Pisceans always require that you be accurate to the twelfth decimal place, yet they reserve the right to round off their answers to the nearest million. It's this evasiveness that makes you want to tie them to a chariot and drag them around the Colosseum. Not that they consciously try to drive you mad, or are actually sinning in secret. Far from it. They're always trying to get an A from God himself. It's just that direct questions throw them. Besides, they adore confession and that heavenly moment when all is forgiven. The Piscean version of reality is as elastic as panty hose, and Pisces will always enter your life when it's time to throw away the book and learn that in some situations light bends, and so does truth.

Attractive? What a question. Elizabeth Taylor is a Pisces. Most of them are so-o-o attractive that we'll abandon anything to get them, only to learn that we don't really have them at all. As lovers, they're the absolute best. They can make the ugliest old maid feel gorgeous, and they're so subtle you don't know you're falling in love with one until you wake up with your clothes all over the floor.

If your Pisces starts to pull away, don't bother to paddle your leaky canoe frantically. The sea has a mind of its own. If you can just let go, the tide will eventually turn, and you'll get a friendly phone call some night around three o'clock as if nothing had ever been wrong. When loving a Pisces, you'll be fine as long as you keep asking yourself one question: Is it live or is it Memorex?

Predictions for Pisces: You're actually becoming a citizen of the state, so now you can use the same garbage bags everybody else uses. Your function is to rot the system from within, so go to it. Infiltrate and ruin!

Confidential to Pat Nixon: Now you know what Richard was thinking all those years.

Michael Lutin