Partying for Prepubescents

Tough tuna fish, no clowns allowed

AT a grown-up party a few weeks a little girl being reprimanded for grabbing the last cookie turned up her nose and replied, "Tough tuna fish." "That's her favorite phrase," Chloe's father, journalist Andrew Cockbum, said. "She learned it at Jeremy's Place."

Jeremy's Place is the Club A of children's parties, staging the birthdays of the prepubescent private-school crowd. Situated, naturally, on Madison Avenue on the Upper East Side, it is run by Jeremy and his partner, "Chief." "They're just two silly guys," according to Chloe, ' 'and they 're funny. ' '

Jeremy Sage, whose name sounds like something from Beatrix Potter, has certainly had a funny career. In the sixties, he and a girlfriend hired themselves out to parties around Scarsdale as "Rent-a-Hippie." In the seventies he had a long run as Jesus in Godspell on Broadway. And he was the man in the original Calvin Klein jeans ad with Brooke Shields.

He began organizing children's parties seventeen years ago when he was a school-bus driver. "I got more jobs from word of mouth—eventually I became the hardest to get and the most expensive." He now charges $250 for the place, plus $5.75 perchild, and$100forthe optional video crew.

Three times a day, seven days a week, all school-year long, Jeremy greets groups of children from three to nine years old and ushers them upstairs. After a warm-up by Chief, they are treated to an hour and a half of puppets, magic tricks, a light show, and games with prizes. And, as Jeremy tells each and every child, ' 'there is absolutely no scary stuff. ' '

"I'm a funny man, not a clown. I'm writing a book, and one of the chapters is going to be called 'Clown Is a Scary Word. ' Lots of kids are scared of clowns." Jeremy knows other things that most adults don't notice. He knows that "pickle," a big word for laughs a few years ago, has been replaced by "tuna fish," "noodle," and "banana." Even the cake he serves has been thoroughly tested. In fact, you pay extra if you insist on bringing your own. "I know my cakes. Kids like ice cream and are single-taste people. There are no flowers to fight over on our cake; it's a rainbow." And he knows how to make the most of the birthday boy or girl. "His chair is actually an inch and a half taller than anyone else's, and you probably wouldn't notice, but he has a pink spotlight over his head. ' '

Somehow, despite the funhouse atmosphere, order reigns. Rules are clearly stated. Expectations are fulfilled. But if you ask for a prize you haven't won fair and square, you are told in no uncertain terms, "Tough tuna fish."

Now he's opening Jeremy's II, a larger space that will also accommodate "disco parties" for kids up to sixteen years old. And as well as working on a syndicated TV show, he is planning a line called Jeremy Jeans, which will have an interesting logo: a tuna fish.

Lynn Geller