OSCAR MAYOR

And the winner is—as it always is on Oscar night— Irving "Swifty" Lazar. The superagent's superagent will resume the role of Tinseltown's social Biirgermeister with his annual Awards party at Spago. The bistro's entrance will be lined with limousines waiting to deposit the best of old and new Hollywood at the door while fans cluster ten-deep behind police lines, cheering the stars as they step into the strobe-light force field. Once inside, Lazar's guests will whip themselves into the traditional frenzy, simultaneously toasting, preening, kissing, and zooming the room.