Drag Vet

Does Uncle Miltie Ru the day he went on MTV?

Get one thing straight: Milton Berle was into dresses before RuPaul was even born!GEORGE WAYNE talks to Mr. Television about his rueful encounter with America's current drag darling, and rewinds to some other big moments from his estimable 80 years in show biz.

George Wayne: So tell me, Mr. Berle, what was the problem between you and RuPaul at the

MTV music awards?

Milton Berle: Well, MTV asked me if I would make an appearance, teaming me up with . . . what's his name? Rude-Paul? Because in the 40s and 50s I wore dresses in shtick and doing bits. So this person . . . what's his name?

G.W. RuPaul.

M.B. Rude-Paul, this female impersonator—I don't know how long he's been in show business, maybe two months. So they figured me being of my era it would be a good comedic point if we both came out together wearing drag. I am one that respects what I'm doing, and the word is rehearse, practice, know your lines. When he finally showed, he said, "Don't worry about me, I know exactly what I'm doing,'' in a very gayish way. So the first time I met him was when we walked on. My line was "I used to { wear dresses, but I don't anymore." And he was supposed to say, "Why don't you?"

And my answer was "Because it's a drag."

But instead he said, "What do you wear, diapers?' ' Being a reference in my mind that I'm a little over-aged, that I possibly pee in my pants. I was ready to hit him with a left hook to the stomach, right on-camera.

G.W.You were the first real TV star, Mr. Television! You made your movie debut with Charlie Chaplin! What more could Uncle Miltie want from life?

M.B. Nothing more. I was brought up in show business.

I was the Buster Brown boy when I was five, in 1913!

G.W.What's the greatest honor you 've ever received?

M.B. Well, I was the first comedian-actor to appear simultaneously on the cover of Time and Newsweek. I was also the first one inducted into the TV Academy Hall of Fame, along with the beloved and terribly missed Lucille Ball.

G.W.I hear the secret to your longevity is that you drink a gallon of water every day.

M.B. It flushes me. . . .

G.W.You're a big deal in the Friars Club. What did you think of the Ted Danson-Whoopi Goldberg debacle?

M.B. I'm the Abbot Emeritus of the Friars Club. I must take a stand on the Friars' behalf. It's no one's business what we do at the club. We only roast people we like, and it's all in jest. It was Whoopi's idea—she wrote the material, she thought it would be funny. It is none of the media's business. This is our own fun, Friars' fun. This was not for public consumption.

G.W.What do you think of Roseanne Arnold?

M.B. I like her. She has a character going for her and she sticks to her character.

G.W.Who do you think are the great comedians?

M.B. Jack Benny was one of the greatest comedians who ever lived because he was not afraid of pausing, he was not afraid of silence. He took his time, and his timing was the greatest in the world. Woody Allen is one of the giants, and then, of the new group, Robin Williams. G.W.Do you still watch television?

M.B. I do not watch sitcoms, because they are all the same, the premise. I'm too show-wise. G.W.How is your sex life?

M.B. In what respect?

G.W.Do you still have orgasms?

M.B. What kind of a question is that? Do you wanna test me? You sound like Howard Stern! I'm not even gonna answer you.

G.W.How about the mythic figures you've met? What are some of Uncle Miltie's lasting impressions?

M.B. Well, I was in Washington the other day, and I got such a mist in my eyes when I realized that I was at the White House in 1920 and I met Woodrow Wilson.