Michael Ovitz: The Next 10 Years

VANITIES

2003: Ovitz's film chief, Mark Canton, tells press he has "never been more stoked" about company's movie slate, which includes live-action "Gumby and Pokey" remake and Painter of Light, Thomas Kinkadc's directorial debut.

2005: Ovitz signs former Beatle Pete Best to S100 million, five-album deal.

2006: Ovitz acquires rights to newly discovered Hitler diaries, raising eyebrows because of their frequent textual references to VCRs and the "BufTy" TV series.

2007: Ovitz announces he has officially "run through" remainder of his Disney settlement.

2009: Ovitz is publicly backstabbed by his last remaining Hollywood friend.

2010: Ovitz, in a deal he calls "a home run." rents a popular video at Blockbuster and gets two weekend nights free.

2011: Ovitz secures short-term financing for company through receptionist's Discover card.

2012: Ovitz scales back his company's film, publishing, and management divisions to concentrate on yard sales.

ANDY BOROWITZ