The Coaster Correspondence

More of the very expensive words of Edwin John Coaster, contributing editor

VANITY FAIR

BETh KSENIAX EXECUTIVE DIRECTOI OF PUSLIC RELATIONS

July 23, 2004 Graydon: I just got this-a clip from the Ellsworth (Me.) American. No calls on it yet,

p3 Q~ttStuortfj meritan Thuz~day, July 22, 2004 BIKE TRAGEDY AT CLAM FESTIVAL AUTHOR POSSIBLY INVOLVED

YARMOUTH, July 21-What began as joyous biking vacation for the Hinterhofei family of New York City ended in nearfatal tragedy Sunday as Nora Hinterhofer, 45, sustained critical injuries when a viii tage DeSoto automobile plowed into her as she, her husband, and their two ri~ were participating in the Yarmouth Clam Festival's annual Bike Race, sponsored by the Portland Velo Club. The Hinterhofers were biking south on Route 115 when, witnesses say, the De Soto, whose driver had been honking his horn and nudging forward, evidently in a hurry to cross the road, lunged forward during an apparent pause in the throng of cyclists. Though DeGroff Hinterhofer and his two sons, Codex, 19, and Vel Iwn, 14, had already pedaled ahead, the DeSoto caught the rear wheel of Mrs. Hinterhofer's bicycle, throwing her to the ground. The DeSoto, a black Fireflite Sportsman from which Frank Sinatra's `Summer Wind" could be heard playing,

sped from the scene, though police were able to get a license-plate reading. The car is registeied to author and Hancock Coun ty resident Edwin John Coaster. Calls to Mr. Coaster's home went unanswered on Monday and Tuesday. Doctors at Mercy Hospital in Portland, to which Mrs. 1-linterhofer was rushed, said she sustained an acute subdural he matoma on the back of her head and four broken ribs. She is expected to make a full recovery. "Her helmet saved her life," said DeGroff Hinterhofer. "The doc tors say Nora's brain would have been squished like a shucked Yarmouth clam without it. If nothing else, let this be a lesson for the youth of southern Maine." Curiously, Mr. Hinterhofer also spent ap proximately 20 minutes establishing that he and a reporter for the Ellsworth Amer. jean shared no friends or business ac quaintances, "because I find it cnjcial that your reporting on this story not be com promised by conflict of interest"

Continued on page 330

Continued from page 328

VANITY FAIR CHrns GMREIr MANAGING EDITOR

23 July 2004 Graydon: I'd just heard the horrible, horrible news of the accident when DeGroff Hinterhofer called me from an ID-blocked private line. He said that he is resigning as Vanity Fairs public editor effective immediately and taking a position as a visiting scholar at the Center for the Return of Moral Rectitude on the Santa Fe campus of St. John's College. He is running scared-he thinks you put Ed up to this. I told DeGroff that this is nonsense and that Ed is only dimly aware of the names and faces of anyone on staff who's not female and under 35. Nevertheless, DeGroff remains firm that he was your "intended target" and that "nat time Carter will make sure his goons succeed." The good news is that he's so frightened he doesn't want to press charges. The bad news is, the Maine State Police don't need DeGroff in order to charge Ed with felony counts of vehicular assault and leaving the scene of an accident. To say nothing of the P.R. consequences if this gets out. I wish we had jurisdiction to lock him up ourselves. Our ne~tt move?

EDWIN COASTER

7/26/04 Dear Graydon, Relax, it's taken care of-the trooper in charge of the case is the grandson of Caleb Steele, the guy I used as the basis for my short story "The Lobsterman." (Later a film with Will Geer-one of Hal Ashby's small triumphs.) He says I'll pay a $1,500 fine to make things look nice and they'll put a point on my license. What happened .`as, I `as driving to Portland to pick up a lady friend flying in from New York, and pulled off 95 to take my secret shortcut to the airport. Yverything's fine for a few miles, and then screeeohl-all these goddamned bikes, gumming up my shortcut! I thought the coast was clear for a second, so I gunned the old Sportsman forward-too fast, I guess, for Lia Kettle on her Sohwinn. Bet~een you and me, the troopers can't stand those bike races, either-they snarl up the highways with aging hip~ies and fat broads in camel-toe shorts. Anyhoo, I m left with a $4,000 detailing ob on the DeSoto. Idea, Can we do a piece in which Edwin John Coaster restores his vintage coupe? The Detroit advertisers would iti Best,