The COASTER Correspondence

MORE OF THE VERY EXPENSIVE WORDS

OF Edwin John Coaster,

CONTRIBUTING EDITOR

VANITY FAIR September 3. !O( I),'arcst Fd: I send you this communiqta~ by post for fear of its being intercepted on our e-mail system. And also because you don't own a computer. The last d~~s of'kl (ondé are upon us. The \kKutscs & (`0. field consultants have been making their rounds in groups of three or four young women and men, all crisply dressed and impcccabl~ groomed. clipboards in hand. Tasers tucked discreetly in their holsters. They are never less than genial. hut we know that, for many of us. our t~itc is in their hands. I d. I know that .*~u're buddies with a couple ot \kKinse~ directors. Could sou reach out to them via back channels and find out if any of the rumors are true? Here's what we h~tse been hearing: That the Botos cart ss,sn't come around anymore. The fashion dept. is ser~ upset, but we are all more upset about what this will mean for \ltrtti.,. the collagen lady. who has been sith us now for 15 years. That ssc shall no longer base the services ohio. the Guernsey coss who supplies iw milk and cream for our coffee station. .-~gaIn. it is less about the colke and more sow what will happen to Ito and her cowherd. Linus. Also, it's been whispered that Ito's `n is to be conserted into studs' space for cheap in-house shoots for the bridal-mag group. No more photography just charcoal skctches by prison artists on work-study. Aii~ sif this true.' t'lc,i~c let me know, Ed. We are counting on ou. Regards.

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\4c ki i & (~,, 14. 2009 `tO: Mr. ( arter t~R )\l~ Ms \jt.the Bevel Dear Mr. Carter: Fm Natalie Bevel, one of the excellence consultants with whom s~uU be meeting later in the week about your contributors' contract fulfillments. We have red-tiagged one contributor in particular. Edwin bhn Ctost-r. who scents nut to have had an article published in the magazine in II vars. \lav I ask you to be prepared to discuss this~ Mv team will also be coming to the otltt'e on Thursda with calipers and .cak-s to determine stall body-fat percentages. Please feel free to contact me via our toll-free line if you have any questions. i~gain, my name is Natalie, my Pmblcnt Solver ID No, s9188. and Mt (o.Isters Case No is 0865542. Sineerc~~~ rc_TTh T Y J `-` S I !~` I~' 1" I