They'll DIS HIM Every Time!

President Obama has staffed his economic team with Wall Street veterans, signed a health-care bill that hews to the architecture of the private health-insurance system, agreed to keep the prison at Guantanamo Bay open, and revived military tribunals—and yet he's still accused by Tea Party zealots of being an America-hating, terrorist-coddling Islamo-Socialist. Is there anything the president can do to get his detractors to like himj, even just a teensy-eensyweensy bit?

FUTURE OBAMA CONCESSION

President Obama agrees to repeal Obamacare, promises to never again look to Sweden for solutions.

President Obama agrees to help balance budget by dismantling the Department of Education, the E.P.A., and the N.E.A.

First Lady Michelle Obama abandons campaign against childhood obesity, plows under organic-vegetable garden, installs an Arby's on White House grounds.

President Obama finally admits he was born in Kenya, resigns from office, returns to Africa.

LIKELY TEA PARTY RESPONSE

Tea Party activists vow to clamp down on  Scandinavian illegals nonetheless, then lambaste Obama’s support of “socialized air-traffic control."

Glenn Beck claims president is deliberately  weakening U.S. government so he can “impose Shari’a law”; draws arrow on chalkboard from “Reduction in Pell Grants” to “North American Caliphate.”

Sarah Palin tweets that she hopes the Obamas  enjoy their “Beltway rst beef,” supposes that “regular USA chzburgrs” just aren’t fancy enough for them.

“Rebirthers” demand proof that President Biden was delivered vaginally (and not by Cesarean) so that  he qualifies as a “natural-born citizen,” as required by Article II, Section 1, of the U.S. Constitution.

BRUCE HANDY