NATIONAL INSECURITY

ET CETERA

THE 60 MINUTES/VANITY FAIR POLL

Don't be fooled by the fact that Americans feel more comfortable judging others—as in, from the bench in a courtroom—than they do in any other position of authority. That frisson of confidence aside, we're a pretty insecure demographic this month.

More than half of us feel that, if our ancestors could see us now, it's our manners that would surprise them most (and the surprise wouldn't be a pleasant one). Given the opportunity to play Tom and Huck and attend our own funerals, we'd be most curious by far to hear what people really thought about us. It gets worse. When asked who we think has our best interests at heart, we divide about evenly between our in-laws and our pets. Our fearfulness extends to our finances: far more of us are anxious about glancing at our retirement-fund statement than at our latest medical report. And if our lives were a movie, well, at least only 7 percent would describe theirs as a tragedy—yet the most common genre choice, more than romance, more than action-adventure, is comcdy. Which sounds like a good thing until you think about what Laurel & Hardy went through in all those two-reelers.

@vf.com SEE THE COMPLETE POLL RESULTS.

This poll was conducted at the CBS News interviewing facility among a tdults nationwide, interviewed by telephone April 27-30, 2012. Some low-per cent age answer choices have been omitted.

If our ancestors from 200 years ago could see us now, which of the following would shock them the most?

Of the following whom would you least like to sit next to on an airplane?

How would you say that the two major political parties have changed in recent decades?

In general, which of the following is the most likely to have your best interests at heart?

How do you feel about paparazzi?

If your life were a movie, what kind of movie would it be?

If you could peek in on your own funeral, what would you be most curious about?

If you had to give the job of composing a new national anthem to one of the following artists, whom would you choose?

Which of the following positions of authority would you feel most comfortable in?

Which of the following are you most apprehensive about reading?