BETTER HALVES

Vanities/The Hive Report*

*A deep dive on a shallow subject. This month...

If politics makes for a game of assortative mating, these potential first spouses have already hit the 2020 jackpot

Melania Trump

Third wife, married 2005

Chasten Buttigieg

First husband, married 2018

Jane Sanders

Second wife, married 1988

Douglas Emhoff

First husband, married 2014

Rosario Dawson

First known "boo," confirmed 2019

CANDIDATE

Donald Trump

Pete Buttigieg

Bernie Sanders

Kamala Harris rris

Cory Booker

DEFINING TRAIT

Intimidating footwear

Harry Potter eyewear

Sturdy cardigans

Wife-paparazzo

Former Bernie Sanders apologist

SIGNATURE ACHIEVEMENT

Secret prenup

Taught us to pronounce Buttigieg

Soviet travel connoisseur

Represented the Taco Bell chihuahua

Kids(1995)

POLITICAL SUPERPOWER

Ironic anti-cyberbullying campaign

Encyclopedic meme knowledge

Radioactive waste disposal expert

Human heart-eye emoji

Fluent in TMZ

ELECTORAL KRYPTONITE

[See above.]

Functional Twitter addiction

Former FBI person of interest

Gratuitous airport selfies

Getting arrested by Capitol police

FAVORITE PASTIME

Locking herself in the East Wing

Canine documentarian

Suspected maple tapping

Sporting bespoke suits

Saving the turtles

GRAND AMBITION

Billon-dollar divorce

2020 Teen Choice award

Education secretary

Instagram influencer

Nobel Peace Prize

SIGN OF HUMAN FRAILTY

Fondness for polarizing outerwear

Unreconstructed Game of Thrones fan

Setting Burlington College on a death spiral

Follicular retrenchment

Josie and the Pussycats(2001)

HISTORICAL PRECEDENT

Anne Boleyn

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

Mary Todd Lincoln

Denis Thatcher

Nancy Reagan

CELEBRITY DOPPELGANGER

Jennifer Coolidge

Frankie Muniz

Kathy Bates

Gary Cohn

Rosario Dawson