Table Talk

House swap, anyone? The Earl of Pembroke is planning to exchange for two weeks this summer his Inigo Jones pile, Wilton House (including innumerable Van Dycks and Mr. Allen, the butler), for a suitable house in Hollywood. He wanted Aaron and Candy Spelling's, but it won't be ready in time.

Meanwhile, when Diane Von Furstenberg was offered $4.4 million for her Fifth Avenue apartment, fifteen-year-old Alexandre said, "Mummy, you could buy France for that. ' '

Miami vices: The Big Grapefruit's Coconut Grove Playhouse is making theatergoers check their beepers on the way in because so many drug dealers use them. (At Miami heroin hearings, witnesses are taking the stand with black hoods over their heads.)

Newsweek staffers were split by gender over the cover for their "Rock's New Women" issue. The men wanted Madonna, the women (victorious) wanted Cyndi Lauper.

Prima Donna, former Xenon owner Howard Stein's new restaurant on Fifty-eighth Street, is full of former Xenon habitues—all plumper now that they've stopped dancing.

The no-hope chest: Bloomingdale's Bridal Registry reports that, since nobody expects Mr. or Miss Right anymore, eternally unattached men and women are signing up in droves so that Aunt Sophie buys them the right crystal and linen. (The more Self-conscious L.A. stores now have Self Registries.)

No fourth-generation Forbeses attended the opening party of granddaddy Malcolm Forbes's toy-boat and tin-soldier gallery. His children said their children are stuck on stickers and Cabbage Patch Kids.

One big cheese at The New Republic is thinking of changing its name to Even the Liberal New Republic (as in "Even the liberal New Republic calls for stringing up shoplifters").