Whatever Bill Be Bill Be...

Michael Musto seeks professional advice on the president's future

Will Bill belly-flop? Or will he soar? Only psychic-hotline proprietors Dionne Warwick and LaToya Jackson could know for sure. I phoned their hot lines, pretending to be "Bill" from Washington, and I gave the psychics on duty the presidential birthday: August 19, 1946.

Dionne Warwick's Psychic Friends Network

Psychic: First, Bill, hold your breath, then empty your mind of thoughts. Shall we do that together now? I'm seeing two colors—pink and gold. Is there something going on in your life that has to do with the pink or gold?

Bill: [New drapes in the Oval Office, I thought.] Well, there's pressure in my relationship. My wife and I are in a more challenging, high-profile situation than ever.

P. What areas would you like to know about?

B. Will I succeed in my job so I'll be renewed and appreciated? By the way, I can't really get fired right away.

P. Oh, so it's a little less drastic than it could be. How long has this scrutiny been going on?

B. So far, about nine months.

P. That's a long time. No wonder it's getting to you. You'll be O.K. at the end of the road. You'll not be one of the people in trouble. If I were you, I'd try to relax a little with the whole thing. Do you have any reason to believe people could have anything personal against you [unrelated] to your job performance?

B. Yes.

P. I was picking that up. A personality thing with conflict— that's kind of unfortunate. These people will not be powerful enough to destroy you. Your worst fears and fantasies of how it could come out are just that—they are fantasies.

Cost: $55.86 for 14 minutes.

LaToya Jackson's Psychic Network

Psychic: Do you have a specific problem? Bill: I have a very high-pressure job and I was wondering how it was going to turn out for me.

P. With ulcers! Just kidding. I wanted to loosen you up. You seem tense. Is there any way to delegate some of the responsibility to someone else?

B. It already is delegated as much as possible, but I still have a lot resting on my own shoulders.

P. Oh. I see problems if you don't do something.

B. Can you tell me if the stress will affect my marriage?

P. When's her birthday?

B.[Panic.] Honestly, I'm not really sure right now.

P. You're in trouble! No, that does happen—even after all these years. You're going to need a vacation off by yourselves. I can see it working wonders. She's going through stress, too. Take a week away and go where there are no beepers or telephones. If you have dogs or cats or a horse, there's ways to take care of them. Go away as soon as possible. When was the last time you went to see a doctor? B. A while ago. Why?

P. I sense a tightness in the chest. There's no way for you to relax your shoulders. All those muscles are tight, including the inner ones you can't see. You want to continue living— it's beautiful out here. You have to learn to relax. Forget there's even a job!

Cost: $31.92 for eight minutes.