February

THE MET GETS SURREAL, CHRISTO HANGS IN WASHINGTON, AND ONE DEGREE OF KEVIN BACON

SUNDAY

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

1 Carnevale in Venice, Italy. Fannies pinched.

2 London's National Portrait Gallery opens first-ever gallery exhibition of photographer Mario Testino. In the room women come and go / Talking of Mario Testino...

3 Upscale bohos throng to Philip Glass concert at Carnegie Hall, forming unintentional pageant of sweatervests, expensive eyewear.

4 Washington, D.C.'s National Gallery opens exhibition of works by Christo and his collaborator Jeanne-Claude, our most prophylactic

6 N.Y.C.'s Metropolitan Museum of Art offers the first survey of Surrealism in 20 years. Melting crutches, loose eyeballs, heads on fire—and that's just the lobby. ^

7 N.Y.C.: Kevin Bacon opens one-man show, An Almost Holy Picture— first solo theater piece in decades to sidestep lengthy "My First Brush with Homosexuality" narrative.

8 Salt Lake City Olympics open. Somewhere near parking lot: Finnish ski team yl baffled by pamphletbearing Mormons.

9 Amsterdam's Van Gogh Museum opens van Gogh and Gauguin exhibition, a tasteful tribute to rivalry and ear removal.

10 Fifty-first annual N.B.A. All-Star Game, in Philadelphia. Gay scoreboard operator mistakenly spells Pippen with two i's.

11 N.Y.C.'s Metropolitan: show of 17th-century father-daughter painters Orazio and Artemisia Gentileschi. Artemisia got her start in her dad's workshop— a Baroque Tori Spelling.

12 Mardi Gras in New Orleans. See Feb. 1 entry; add beer.

13 Prokofiev's War and Peace opens tomorrow at N.Y.C.'s Metropolitan Opera, a godsend for those of us surprised, at the novel's end, to learn that Prince Andrei and Bolkonsky were actually the same character.

14 Valentine's Day. Thousands pierce chocolate bottoms with fingertips, revealing hideous mint creme.

15 Three-year-long tour of one of our country's earliest national treasures—no, not Carol Channing—begins today in Houston. (It's Gilbert Stuart's portrait of George Washington.)

16 N.Y.C.: retrospective of painter Gerhard Richter starts this week at MoMA, travels country in vain search of museum called DaDA.

17 Impressionist still lifes at Boston's Museum of Fine Arts. Florabunda!

18 Presidents' Day. A holiday which fails to galvanize all but the most ardent greeting-card senders.

21 Nation's leading galleries show works at N.Y.C.'s Seventh Regiment Armory. Art: the best protection money can buy.

Verdi's Rigoletto at N.Y.C.'s Metropolitan Opera. Rumor quashed that la donna e mobile means "the woman and her cell phone."

23 Sweet Smell ol Success—featuring songs by composer Marvin Hamlisch— previews on Broadway. Gossip columnists nationwide revel in glorification of own trade; commence auto-kvelling.

24 Renee Fleming in recital at L.A.'s Dorothy Chandler Pavilion. (Fleming is an East Coast native, but apparently this donna is mobile, too.)

26 The Philadelphia Orchestra at Carnegie Hall. What not to expect to hear: the theme from Rocky.

27 HBO's U.S. Comedy Arts Festival. It's one part boffo, one part Janeane Garofalo; it's Garofaboffalo!

HENRY ALFORD