When Graydon Carter asked me to guest-review The Kid Stays in the Picture, a brilliant new documentary he has produced, I blanched. Wouldn't that be a blatant conflict of interest? After all, I had toiled for Graydon in the late 80s and early 90s at Spy magazine, his previous gig, where I myself wore the dual hats of movie critic and messenger-at-large. Not that I wanted to turn my old boss down—and fortunately, as Graydon reminded me, I have no scruples. Plus, he told me, "You'll get Bob. Trust me." Bob, of course, is Robert Evans, the legendary Hollywood producer and even more legendary swordsman-oooooof!—who is the subject of Graydon's brilliant new documentary. "Get" Bob? I know Bob, having crashed both his 1969 wedding to Ali MacGraw in Palm Springs and the taping of his 1981 small-screen special, Get High on Yourself. (That's my beret you see peeking over Herve Villechaize's left shoulder during the all-star sing-along.) So what can I say about a film—directed by Brett Morgen and Nanette Burstein and based on Evans's autobiography—that brilliantly tracks his improbable fever dream of a journey from garment-industry exec to male ingenue to head of Paramount Pictures in the late 60s and early 70s, the glory years that yielded Hicks like Rosemary's Baby, Love Story the first two Godfathers, and Chinatown? Brilliant, yes, a cross between Variety and a Douglas Sirk movie, but more than that it's... Bobalicious! Evansescent! This time, kids, it's Oscar who stays in the picture!!! (Rating: Five monocles) (PS: So, Graydon, how about doing something with my book, The Kid Stays in the V.I.P. Area?)