The SPAMBerry Files

FROM THE "SENT" FOLDER OF Eric Idle

SUBJ: SATURDAY LIGHT KNIVES

DATE: 10/7/2006 8:38:02 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time

FROM: Eric@VF.com

TO: Lorne@LorneMichaels.com

Sent from the Internet (Details)

Yo Lome ...

See you've been taking the usual shit for the new season. I think you're right: This is no time for comedy. How can you be funny when the VP shoots his friends in the face? If they're doing the punch lines, what's left?

Don't let the bastards get you down. Remember, you were the first to see the value of having famous people make asses of themselves on TV—long before "Shagging with the Stars." Why not make this whole season a reality show? Call it "Search for a Giggle." Maroon a bunch of writers on a desert island, and if they don't come up with a decent skit, they're employed on SNL. (Kidding!)

Seriously, how about Karl Rove as a guest host? He knows how to turn BS into success. Von Rumsfeld looks funny. And little Condi plays the piano. She even attended "Spamalot" before the audience found out and booed her. And hasn't Jessica Simpson got another sibling to roll out? That was uproarious.

Don't worry. You'll outlast Bush. Remember what they say: What's the difference between life and an SNL skit? Life doesn't go on forever.

Only joshing. Keep socking it to 'em.

Yr pal,

Eric

Sent from my SpamBerry

SUBJ: LONG MAY SHE RAIN

DATE: 10/9/2006 4:55:02 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time

FROM: Eric@VF.com

TO: ElizabethR@BuckinghamPalace.com

Sent from the Internet (Details)

Hey Your Maj.,

Sorry that Helen Mirren thing's been bugging you. And you made her a Dame too. Ungrateful bitch. I'd make Britney a Dame just to make Helen feel bad.

Of course the whole Princess Di revival thing is driving you mad. It's that greedy little money-grubbing butler. He can't stay out of the limelight. Perhaps you can arrange for one of Al Fayed's drivers to give him a ride home. :)

Don't worry about your throne, you're safe on that forever. The Brits have no balls for a revolution. It's too soggy. You need good weather for a revolution. That's what Stalin said. And he was the longest-reigning Russian. You'll make Longest Monarch easily. In 10 years' time you'll pass that frumpy little flirt Victoria, and remember, your mum lived to be 101!

And don't worry about the Yanks. They still think the Duchess of Windsor had class. *Ass* maybe! We all know what he saw in her, and everyone knows he was hung like a snail and useless in bed. (And out, come to think of it.) Still, the Nazis liked him and they knew a thing or two. I guess Karl Rove and Von Rumsfeld have been reading their playbook.

(Oops, sorry! Forgot you were German.)

Well, got to dash—it's Sixth-Grade Parents Condom-Appreciation Day here in the Valley. You're still my favorite Queen (apart from Harvey Fierstein).

Yr loyal servant,

Eric

Sent from my SpamBerry

ERIC IDLE