The COASTER CORRESPONDENCE

More of the very expensive words of Edwin John Coaster, contributing editor

EIWIN COASTER 2/2/06 Dear Graydon: I suspect that there's going to be a stink about thi8 in the papers shOrtli, so let me give it to you straight: I have been less than £orthcoming about the circumstances that compelled me to write my debut novel, In a Green Pink Countr~, in 1957. I was not dishonorabl~j discharged from the army for insubordination, nor did I sleep through the Inchon Landing, nor did I give the clap to the entire village oi 300 Gok Ri, nor did I spend six months on a post-traumatic bender on Cape Cod aiter the war, tra.iing the beaches lor stra~ dogs to sexually violate. In iact, I'm ashamed to .~aj', I received an Arnj Commendation bledal for helping drag my .,`ouiided commanding officer to salety in 1951, and, in the mid-50s, I lived quietly in New Canaan, Connecticut, with my second wife and inlant daughter. I duped my editor, Al Knopi, into believing I'd done these monstrous thinge because I wanted him to believe that my transgr'~...~ iv.' work of literature-the first anywhere to reier to the perineal area of the human body as the "taint"-derived from true-life experiences. But now I realiae that thiw was wrong, and I have prepared a new introduction for Random Rouse's Modern 1ibrar~ reissue of Green Pink. I ..`ould like to enlist sour ever able P.i~. person Beth Karsooniak in getting me on Oprah and Larry King. Only by extensively explaining my egregious misconduct in high-visibility media outlets will I be able to cleanse m~ conscience. CC: William Bastone, editor, theSmokingGun.com

VANITY FAIR Br.ni KSENIAK EXECUTIVE DIEECTOE 01 PUBLIC RELATIONS February 8, 2006 Graydon: If Ed's expecting a "scandal bounce" in his book sales, he can forget about it. I've called around, and no one cares about something that happened almost 50 years ago with a dead editor and an old writer. However, the guys at the Smoking Gun confirmed Id's valorous war record, and further produced documents showing that he organized the 4 I~aUter Egg Hunt for the New Canaan Rotary Club. FY they also found mug shots of you when you were booked and fingerprinted as a teen for protesting the CBC's cancellation of the popular TV orogram This Hour Hw Seven Days.

liette AMY SACCO February 9, 2006 Graydon: This must stay entre nous. Things are not going well btw fiancé Ed and me. He's been acting weird, asking me to flagellate him while he yells I'm sorry, Oprah, I'm sorry!" I'm not into that kind of stuff. Frankly, he's creeping me out. Would it be wrong of me to call off the wedding? Love,