The COASTER CORRESPONDENCE

EDWIN JOHN COASTER

More of the very expensive words of EDWIN JOHN COASTER, contributing editor

EDWARD COASTER

Dear Graydon: Just getting a little concerned that I haven't yet received my usual itinerary for the annual Oscars trip. My deets are same as ever: bungalow at Beverly Kills Hotel, "Maximum Indulgence" massage upon arrival, La Prairie Gentleman's Pacial on the day of, seating next to Hic Kidman at dinnertime. By the way, we'd better pack our own fortitcations for this trip. Have you noticed how joyless showpeople are getting, even by showpeople standards? Every fella we used to have fun with on Oscar nite now has The Parentheses-those facial creases that guys get on either side of their nose and mouth when they quit booze, eating, or whatever the hell it is that makes them happy. Elvis Costello: now has The Parentheses. That kid Jonah Hill: now has The Parentheses. Rick Rubin, if you lift up his beard: The Parentheses. Jesus, will we be the only ones cocktailing and In-N-Out-ing that night? I'll bring the bourbon if you bring the butterfats! And have your boys send me plane tix, goodies, screener DVDs, etc., A.S.A.P.

Best

ANJALI LEWIS

ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER, CREATIVE SERVICES

January 13, 2012

Graydon:

Look, I know Ed has been part of the V.F. family for years, but it costs us a lot to fly out contribs and I just don't see the win for the advertisers in having him out anymore. L'Oreal isn't keen on him, and Ed's own suggestion, that we coordinate an event with Plazmo-Flo, the manufacturer of his coronary stent, doesn't line up with our vision of who the V.F. reader is.

Furthermore, Ed is simply not reflective of the company's new policy of only hiring micro-thinnies like our new design director and Web editor. (Good thing you and I are grandfathered in, LOL! Though—seriously— all of us on the ad side are doing a cleanse before corporate makes us. Think about it.)

I might suggest that if Ed wants to remain part of our marketing strategy for future Oscar seasons, he should work on getting in shape. Maybe you can have Chris Rovzar reach out to him about this?

Regards,

CHRIS ROVZAR

DIGITAL EDITOR

January 17, 2012

Hi, Ed! I am Chris Rovzar, the new digital editor of Vanity Fair. I am sending you a letter because apparently you still don't use a computer much, though I sure hope to change that! I also hope to help you change some habits that may be keeping you from being as fit and fulfilled as you could be.

I stay healthy by eating right, doing lots of cycling, watching how much I drink, and reading Scripture. Galatians 5:22-23 tells us that "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." If I may be immodest, let me add that Rovzar 3:16 says, "It helps to own a good cyclo-cross bike and observe Raw Food Wednesdays!"

Next time you come down to the city, I'd love for you to meet up with me and the new design director, Chris Dixon, so you can get hip to our Thinness Fellowship!

Yours,

ED COASTER'S

L.A.-TRIP AGENDA

THURS.Arrival. "Pampered night in": room-service club sandwich + SpectraVision adult viewing

FRI.Sleep in; drinks with Ann-Margret at Le Dome*

Monkey-bread prep work at SAT.Dani Janssen's; picnic at Barry and Diane's; in-call escort

in; massage; Oscars

SUN.shindig at Sunset Tower

MON.Hangover-cure breakfast at Polo Lounge (omelet +2Ramos fizzes); departure

*NOTE: LE DOME CLOSED IN 2007—THE EDITORS

TONY ROTUNNO EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR

~y k +c