Q&A

GEORGE WAYNE

"How can you not love a smart, unfiltered, batty Englishman? You can always rest assured the badinage will be superlative. I don't know how to drive a motorcar, but after this chat with Jeremy Clarkson I believe it is time I learnt how."

GEARED UP

Jeremy Clarkson

On the North Pole, the uselessness of electric cars and haling Piers Morgan

Whether he’s driving up to the Arctic or plotting his next far-flung adventure, Top Gear’s host continues to amuse and antagonize. As the show enters its 10th season, our correspondent has a chin-wag with the BBC’s resident bigmouth.

GEORGE WAYNE:What would a stroll down memory lane be like for Jeremy Clarkson? JEREMY CLARKSON: It would be a very short one, because I have the mental capacity of a nine-year-old. So it would be nothing but blue skies and fun and games. I have had an amazingly fortunate life. I’m a child from Yorkshire, which is sort of like Cleveland without the pretty bits.

GW.What about Top Gear this season?

J.C. We have all just signed up again, because why would anybody leave what is pretty close to being the best job in the world? I mean, apart from being Angelina Jolie’s gynecologist, I cannot think of anything I would rather do.

Wow, you really are hysterical. Well, a job that can take you to the North Pole in a car must be really special.

J.C. That was the lowest point of my working life, to be honest. Those were the eight most unpleasant days I’ve ever endured. Being trapped in a car with James May was enough. The only good thing about that trip was the hamper of fine wine and foie gras that we had luckily taken with us. He is a bit boring, and he thinks I am a bit bombastic.

G.W.Where would you like to go next? J.C. Argentina and Burma. I have been to most of the countries in the world, but not those two. I want to shoot doves in Argentina. Burma, of course, because no one has really been there.

G.W.What electric car should I purchase?

J.C. Well, none of them work. They’re ridiculous. If you wanted to drive, say, from New York to Washington, you would have to set aside a week to get there. So you might as well just go with a car that has a V-8.

G.W.Word has it that you despise Piers Morgan as much as I do.

J.C. He is a pompous, dreadful man. I wake up every morning happy knowing that he is 6,000 miles away from me. G.W.I wish he would go back home.

J.C. No, no, no. I wish him all the success in America, so you can keep him.

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“I have followed a very nonlinear path.”