THE FABLE OF THE KATYDIDS

HENDRIK WILLEM VAN LOON

IT was my first dinner party after a two months' absence in Europe. The diningroom was charming. The dinner was exquisite. There are thousands of such diningrooms in America and thousands of such dinner parties. We sat down just as the faint rays of the moon began to cast their ghostly shadows upon the-slumbering Long Island hills. The night was mild and the windows were open.

Outside, in a nearby tree, a wise old beast was making himself comfortable on a fresh green leaf. "Katy did," he murmured to himself, as he settled down to his evening meditations. There was a rustling near him in the tree and a reproving voice snapped back, "Katy didn't." Then silence.

The first speaker seemed to be a trifle annoyed, but he mastered his temper and, with solemn conviction, replied: "Katy did." At once his assertion was flatly denied: "Katy didn't."

The first beast became noticeably angry. In his rage he cried: "Katy did! Katy did! Katy did!" An hysterical shriek told him what he was.

"Katy didn't. Katy didn't. Katy didn't." Then all of his neighbors in the trees paused in their peaceful pursuits and took sides in the mighty discussion: A veritable cyclone of strident argument and counter argument soon arose. "Katy did. Katy did. Katy did."

"Katy didn't, Katy didn't, Katy didn't."

"She did, she did, she did."

"She didn't. She didn't. She didn't."

SUDDENLY I noticed that my hostess had been speaking to me. "I beg your pardon," I said. "I did not quite catch that last sentence." The sentence was repeated. Would I please tell her guests what the neutral countries in Europe—I. had. just returned from Scandinavia—seemed to think about the war? I answered that they seemed to think that it was a very regrettable occurrence.

Apparently, however, that was not exactly the answer that my audience had expected. My hostess went on: "Of course it is regrettable, but do not the people in Norway and Sweden and Denmark blame the nation which was responsible for the war?"

I answered that many of them could not seem to agree as to what nation was directly responsible for it.

Astonishment on one side of the table. Smiling approval on the other. I elaborated my statement.

"Most neutral Europeans," I said, "blame all of the big nations a little."

"How very stupid," said the pro-Allies.

"How very just," said the pro-Germans.

"How could any sensible neutral be so dense?" said the pro-Allies.

"How could any sensible neutral feel otherwise," said the pro-Germans.

"Of course they must know that the Germans have been preparing their army for over forty years," said the pro-Allies.

"Of course they must know that the English have been preparing their navy for over forty years," said the pro-Germans.

"Everybody knows that the Prussian Junkers started it," said the pro-Allies.

"How about your greedy English and their plans for their expanding commerce?" asked the pro-Germans. .

"A land of Kultur," sneered the pro-Allies.

"A land of Hypocrisy," sneered the proGermans.

"Anyway, the Germans did it."

"Absurd. The English did it."

"They didn't. They didn't. They didn't."

"They did. They did. They did."

"They didn't. They did. They did. They didn't. ..."

"Perhaps," our hostess remarked, "perhaps we had better take our coffee in the library."