THIS is the way Ralph Barton thinks the Cocoanut Grove at the Hotel Ambassador in Los Angeles might look on a Tuesday night, if all the people who have to do with Hollywood, publicly or privately, showed up. At Table No. 1 (seating arrangements by Da Vinci), observe the Magnates—at the extreme left—W. R. Hearst. Next to him sits the cherubic Walter Wanger—then Joseph M. Schenck; Dean of directors, D. W. Griffith; William Fox; Louis B. Mayer; the prodigal Cecil B. de Mille; Marcus Loew; Samuel Goldwyn; the Universal Carl Laemmle; the charming Jesse Lasky; his confrère Adolph Zukor, and finally the modest Morris Gest. At Table No. 2 is Antonio Moreno. Below him the exotic Carmel Myers; the moral Conrad Nagel; the playful Mabel Normand, next to her husband. Lew Cody; Mae Murray, and the super-director Jim Cruze next to his enchanting wife, Betty Compson. Table No. 3 is occupied by strong, silent men: the ribald Wallace Beery, Colonel Tim McCoy. Hoot Gibson, Victor McLaglen, Lon Chaney, the cowboy Tom Mix, and Noah Beery. At Table No. 4 we may observe the Moores—Colleen, Matt and Owen and Tom; May Allison, and her husband, James R. Quirk, the publisher, Louella Parsons who tells the film fans in the Hearst newspapers, and Harold Lloyd. At Table No. 5, the saintlike H. B. Warner sits between Corinne Griffith and Ramon Navarro, one of Valentino's ten legitimate successors, while the pious Edmund Goulding sits next to the arrow-collar Richard Dix. The foreigners are at Table No. 6. Max Reinhardt turns his back on the pert Lya de Putti to converse with sixty-two reel Von Stroheim. Emil Jannings and the Swedish director, Maurice Stiller enclose the lovely Vilma Banky. Lubitsch, Lil Dagovar, Lothar Mendes, and F. W. Murnau follow, while the eager Joseph Schildkraut tries in vain to attract the cold eye of Pola Negri. At Table No. 7 is Aileen Pringle, "the screen favourite of the literati," with a few of her friends. She is seated between the walrus-moustached Konrad Bercovici and the wistful H. L. Mencken. Anita Loos, the pride of San Diego, turns her nose away from George Jean Nathan's ponderous cigar. Then follow Paul Morand, the glum Carl Van Vechten, Elinor Glyn with her halo of "IT", the bland Joseph Hergesheimer, Theodore Dreiser, Jim Tully, and Scott Fitzgerald. At Table No. 8 Buster Keaton is apparently amusing the vivacious Bebe Daniels. Will Rogers is next to the Gish sisters, Lillian and Dorothy. Constance and Norma Talmadge and Frances Marion complete this table. At Table No. 9 Ronald Colman, another successor to Valentino, appreciates Beatrice Lillie. The dancing Bessie Love sits above George Fitzmaurice. Florence Vidor looks soulful and Mary Philbin registers pathos. Sid Grauman, doubtless considering the opening of a new Persian Theatre, dominates the group. At Table No. 10 Jack Dempsey sits between his smiling wife, Estelle Taylor and the esoteric Nazimova. Richard Barthelmess is next to Louise Brooks. Micky Neilan and Blanche Sweet complete the group. At Table No. 11 we have Syd Chaplin, Tom Meighan, the polished Adolphe Menjou, Mack Sennett, Lionel Barrymore, Eddie Cantor, imitating a fish, Harry Langdon, about to burst into tears, and the adorable Renée Adorée. At Table No. 12 Anna Q. Nilsson is astonished at Clara Bow's eyes. Lowell Sherman, Justine Johnston, and W. C. Fields complete the party. At Table No. 13 Irving Thalberg, youngest of the magnates, sits beside Gloria Swanson. John Gilbert listens to a joke of Doug Fairbanks while Doug, as always, sits next to Mary Pickford. Beyond Mr. Gilbert is Greta Garbo, snaky and persuasive, while King Vidor sits beside the bewildering Pauline Starke, and Norma Shearer beside the soulful Jack Barrymore. Elinor Boardman, King Vidor's ethereal wife, and the blonde Marion Davies complete the picture. Table No. 14 is largely devoted to Hollywood's famous children: Behind Dolores Costello grins Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. Betty Bronson, Billy Haines, Patsy Ruth Miller follow. Baby Peggy sits next to Baby Fanny Ward. Joan Crawford, Mary Astor, Sally O'Neil, Jackie Coogan, with a haircut, and lovely Lois Moran are the other guests. The maître d'hôtel at this party is Will Hays while the mysterious late arrival will probably be recognized by a few readers