Yolana’s coffee table is nothing more than a flat crystal ball. Psychic of the chic, she’s the private third eye of Diane Von Furstenberg, Claus von Biilow, and an “endless” list of celebrity clients who gladly spend $100 a session to have Yolana blow their minds.

Telling my fortune, Yolana uncannily uncovers a childhood drowning incident. Next, she cautions me to fix the broken lock on my apartment door. I’m too embarrassed to admit it’s been broken for two years, but once home I immediately call the locksmith. You don’t fool with Mother Yolana. She’s been right on the money too many times. “I predicted Sadat’s death,” she says.

Occasionally, the police rely on her help to solve mysterious crimes. “When I go to the murder scene, I tap into another dimension of the brain... I go back in time, and I see who was there when it happened. I could name how a person was killed just by touching a piece of clothing.”

Hostesses, beware! She can do the same with a coffee table. “They give off a lot of vibrations. If I went to your house and touched one, I could tell who had been in the room, what went on before the party, if there had been an argument.” As for celebrity forecasts, she doesn’t sell out to the tabloids a la Jeane Dixon. Why should she? She’s on speaking terms with the stars. “If I have anything to say to a celebrity, I just pick up the phone and call them directly.”

Despite her material success, Yolana is very modest about her accomplishments—even those in a previous life. “I know who I was in the past—and I know I was no great empress or anything. I mean, there had to be some workers around. Not everybody was the Queen of the Nile.” —Brooks Peters