THE FAB FOUR

A freshman guide to Ivy League semiotics

SECONDARY SCHOOL

Horace Mann

Andover

St. Albans/Miss Porter's

Le Rosey

VACATION SPOT

Cambridge, Massachusetts

Prague

Hilton Head

Sardinia

THE SIS TOPIC

"Hidden Voices from Camelot: The Lost Haiku of John F. Kennedy"

"Gott ist ein Mann: Problematizing Patriarchy from Moses to Post-Freud"

"The Hermeneutics of Golf Handicapping and StockMarket Movement"

"From Capote to Dodi: The Aesthetics of Self-Destruction"

ROLE MODEL

Steven Spielberg

Gertrude Stein

Alan Greenspan

Peter Beard

DRINK OF CHOICE

McClellands whiskey

Absinthe

Rolling Rock

Cristal

FASHION DESIGNER

Harvard Coop

COMME des GARCONS

Talbots

MUSICAL ARTIST

Hootie

Philip Glass

Glenn Miller

Nina Simone

MOVIE THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

Love Story

Last Year at Manenbad

Risky Business

Betty Blue

PICKUP LINE

"Didn't I see you at Stanley Kaplan?"

"What's your signifier?"

"Can I buy you a Jell-O shot?"

"Jet'ai vu au Balthazar, non?"

FIRST JOB

Memoirist

Research assistant to Susan Sontag

Aide to Senator John McCain

Founder of own tube-top fashion line, "Tube Girl"

MET BOYFRIEND/ GIRLFRIEND

At Alan Dershowitz's office hours

Furtively, at an 1-95 rest stop

At a kegger

At the Carlyle

TOPIC OF APPLICATION ESSAY

"Why I Will Rule the World"

"Why I Should Rule the World"

Why My Grandfather Ruled the World"

"Why I Do Rule the World"

EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITY

Solving year-2000 computer glitch

Experimenting with heterosexuality

Getting stomach pumped

Attending dass

EVGENIA PERETZ