What if...

VANITIES

What if your mother were appointed to the Supreme Court?

MONDAY

Mom praises her work clothes: vertical folds and color black are slimming!

TUESDAY

Mom forgets to take her lithium, becomes erratic swing vote.

WEDNESDAY

Mom says she spent lunch break "talking tort reform with Ruth and Nino."

THURSDAY

Mom badgers bailiff and clerk into attending Kennedy Center's Nutcracker.

FRIDAY

Mom vacates lower-court ruling because defendant is "absolutely darling."

MONDAY

Mom and Justice Breyer swap recipes, thoughts on hate-crime sentencing.

TUESDAY

Mom interrupts debate on prison reform to say she's "just happy that we're all together."

WEDNESDAY

Mom defends light sentencing: "Jurisprudence, schmurisprudence."

THURSDAY

Mom buttonholes Justices O'Connor and Ginsburg and offers shoptalk, barbed compliments.

FRIDAY

Mom commandeers women's-room sink to soap and scrub her gavel.

HENRY ALFORD