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Vanities
Festival Season
Vanities
Festival Season
CANNES | BONNAROO | COACHELLA | BURNING MAN | MICHIGAN WOMYN'S MUSIC FESTIVAL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Setting | >td >Tennessee farm at cynicism-dampening distance from Nashville | Irrigated swatch of SoCal desert | Nevada dry lake bed | Fecund Druidic wood | |
| Representative attendee | Bavarian telecom baron | Trustafarian on the cusp of getting “work” haircut | Silver Lake scene-ster with “Iron & Wine” beard | Web developer/“art terrorist” up from Mountain View | Alternative nutritionist with Amelia Earhart do |
| Signature accessory | Yacht | Hacky Sack | Giant white 70s-style sunglasses | Angel wings | Dreamcatcher earrings |
| Cultural DNA | La Dolce Vita | Woodstock '94 | Lollapalooza | Mad Max | Wicca |
| Snack food | Bellini | Magic Hat brewski | Churro | Jerky | Hummus |
| Drug of choice | Cocaine | 'Shrooms | E | Horse pheromones | Hummus |
| Memorable scandale | Fest canceled in coup de cinémasympathy with Parisian protests, 1968 | Jam-band origins further betrayed when Allman Brothers pull out of lineup, 2008 | Madonna violating the indie hegemony, then castigating the audience, 2006 | Burning “the man” four days too early, 2007 | Ruckus over “womyn-born womyn”—only policy, 1991 |
| Honorary mayor | Jean-Luc Godard | Phil Lesh | Jenny Lewis | Sergey Brin | Toshi Reagon |
| Interloper | Brett Ratner | Kanye West | Scarlett Johansson | Anyone who is a spectator rather than a participant | |
| “Why don't you come watch the screeners in my suite?” | “You know, my tent is much closer to Centeroo.” | “I want you more than I want Nick Oliveri back in the qotsa lineup.” | “Become my art.” | “Closer I am to you, closer I am to fine.” | |
| Uniform | Linen suit, no socks, loafers | Tie-dye tee, cargo shorts | Giant floppy hat, billowy sundress, flip-flops | Welding goggles, yellow body paint, running shoes | Headkerchief, tank top, drawstring sweats |
| Why the nudity? | Becauz I want you tek my peekture! | Because we're high and feelin' it | Because it's hot | Because clothing causes identity suffocation | Because we are at last free to share our beauty in a nonjudgmental setting |
| Stated reason for not sleeping | Pondering Wong Kar-Wai's final image | Up all night detoxing a newb | All-night jam session in Jack White's trailer | Creative-visualizationing with these nihilist rubber sculptors from Santa Cruz | Pulling all-nighter on communal security patrol |
| Actual reason for not sleeping | Bad duck from buffet | On phone with bank trying to recover debit card swallowed by ATM | Worst sunburn since age seven | Sudden, extremely uncomfortable onset of “Black Rock” herpes | Devotion to hubby thrown into question by overwhelming crush on Kristen from Antigone Rising |
| Post-festival plans | Trashing a competitor's pickups to Variety | Obama '08 campaign | Snarky monologue about experience, performed at U.C.B. Theatre in Hollywood | Nonstop Gravity's Rainbowreadathon at Reno Borders | Taking the experience of Michigan and turning it into a sustainable model for change |
Adam Leff
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