The IMPOSSIBLE INTERVIEW

KIM JONG-UN

SPEAKS WITH.

ANTHONY BOURDAIN

BDURDAIN: So, you were ordered to get fat so you'd look more like your grandfather? I would fucking love to have that be my job. KIM: Today, Tony, as my honored guest in Pyongyang, you share my job!

BDURDAIN (raising glass of soju): Death to the imperialist fast-food ConAgra obesitypromoting plastic-cheese-eating capitalist American pigs!

KIM: May they wail like knobby-kneed primary-school girls in scanty uniforms as our People's Army unleashes upon them an epic sea of hellfire with the heat of a thousand suns!

BDURDAIN: So, what're we eatin'? What kinda wild northern shit are you layin' on me that the Seoul crew don't do? My sous-chef's dope dealer once took me to some freaky D.P.R.K.-themed pop-up place in Oakland with the most fucked-up ham heung naeng myun and—

KIM: Veal parm. We are having veal parm, chicken cacciatore, and spumoni.

BDURDAIN: Wh-why?

KIM: The best film of all time is the sixth Rocky film, Rocky Balboa—the one where Rocky is old and Adrian is dead. I fell in love with the Rocky films at boarding school in Switzerland. And in Rocky Balboa, he has restaurant in South Philly named after Adrian. I love going to that restaurant. BDURDAIN: But that's—that's a fictitious restaurant, K.J.-U.

KIM: No. I built precise replica here in my residence. I go there all the time. I have 60 girl chefs working in kitchen; all weigh precisely between 44 and 52 kilograms. Chef uniform is brassiere, half-slip, and— how do you say it?—majorette boots. BDURDAIN: That is fucking awesome, K.J.-U. Up high! (Makes high-five gesture to Kim.) KIM (reciprocating): Yo, Adrian!

DAVID KAMP