fit to be tied

Dogs were domesticated in the Middle Stone Age, about 9000 B.C. During tbis period tbe elaborate Paleolithic cave art disappeared and cave floors first came to be spread with newspapers, knotted-up socks, and chew toys.

For millennia dogs were man's only chattel, if we don't (and we mustn't) count women. They guarded his abode and possessions and aided him in the hunt. And they still do.

Today dogs also serve in combat and in keeping civil order. They herd sheep and, I believe, goats. They are draft animals in some climes. They rescue avalanche victims and children from wells or, at any rate, ponds. They guide the blind, fetch the paper, and sniff the whereabouts of bombs and smuggled drugs. In Asia they are even lunch.

Dogs are attractive, stylish, flattering to our selfesteem. And we can own them. Furthermore, they acknowledge that they are owned, something a wristwatch or a lover never does.

Dogs provide companionship. They do tricks in circuses. They keep rats out of barns. And without

them dog shows would frankly be a bust.

In return for all they give to man, dogs get . . . dog food. And a mild sausage of questionable content named after them. We call a man with bad character a cur, a child with awful manners a whelp, and an ugly woman, purely and simply, a dog. To expire horribly is to "die like a dog." A loathsome thing is "not fit for a dog.'' Bad poetry is "doggerel.'' We say, "The dog returns to its vomit,'' "He screwed the pooch,'' "My dogs are killing me." When we pester someone, we "dog him." When we re obstructive, we re "a dog in the manger." When we re in disrepute, we re "in the doghouse." And when we re poor, we re "dog-poor." "Hair of the dog" is a drink in the morning. More than two drinks in the morning and we are going to the dogs." If we have good fortune anyway, someone will tell us, "Every dog has his day."

Dog-eared, dog-tired, doggy-style, doggone it. . . Man's best friend is the dog. This tells us all we need to know of man.

P.J.O' Rourke

Dog Show Organized by the Normandy Canine Society in Rouen, November 1984