A Tale of Two Scandals

Your comparative guide to two presidencies under siege

WATERGATE

ZIPPERGATE

THE PERPETRATOR

Richard Nixon

Bill Clinton

THE CRIME

Bad politics

Good sex

THE DENIAL

"I am not a crook.'

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman.'

THE HOTEL

Watergate

Watergate

THE SUPPORTING CAST

The Henches: Dean, Haldeman, Mitchell, Ehrlichman

The Wenches: Monica, Linda, Paula, Gennifer

HOW TO SPOT THEM

Crew cuts and flood pants

Big hair and bad pumps

THE EVIDENCE

64 taped conversations between president and aides about espionage, cover-ups, and sabotage performed by CREEP

20 hours of taped conversations between chatty intern and disgruntled busybody about various acts ⅞⅜ performed on "the big creep"

EVIDENCE ENDED UP IN HANDS OF

House Judiciary Committee

Cranky Upper West Side literary agent

THE INDEPENDENT COUNSEL

An East Coast blueblood with Kennedy sympathies and a Harvard professorship

A former door-to-door Bible salesman with onetime aspirations to become a dean at Pepperdine

THE SECRET ORALLY ACTIVATED OBJECT HIDDEN IN OVAL OFFICE

Complex recording device

Ambitious Lewis & Clark grad from Beverly Hills

HOW CRIME WAS FINANCIALLY SUPPORTED

Special campaign fund for espionage activities run by Attorney General John Mitchell. Estimated amount: $700,000

T-shirt from Martha's Vineyard gift shop, beret (originally intended for daughter), and book of racy poems purchased by president. Estimated amount: $50

HOW THOSE WHO KNEW TOO MUCH WERE SILENCED

Offered hundreds of thousands of dollars in hush money

Offered a job working for Revlon

THE LOOSE CANNON

Martha Mitchell

George Stephanopoulos

THE DEAD WITNESS

Martha Mitchell

James McDougal

REPORTERS WHO BROKE THE STORY

Two ambitiousWashington Postreporters in search of the truth

One 30-year-old slacker with a modem and a goofy hat

CONTINUED ON PAGE 172

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 170

WATERGATE

ZIPPERGATE

NEWSPAPER THAT DROPPED THE BALL INITIALLY, BUT WAS DETERMINED TO CATCH UP

The New York Times

The New York Times

THE ATTACKS ARE...

"... unfounded and personal.

"... unfounded and personal."

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE...

... don t care about a petty burglary."

... don t care about a petty affair."

FILM SCREENED BY THE PRESIDENT THAT MAY BE A PROJECTION OF HIS SELF-IMAGE

Patton

The Apostle

PRESIDENT'S TRAGIC MEDIA MISTAKE NO. 1

Putting The Washington Post on the White House enemies list

Leaving The New York Timers Frank Rich off the Tony Blair state-dinner guest list

FRIGHTENING PHOTO OPPORTUNITY

Animated entertainer Sammy Davis Jr. hugs Richard Nixon

Animation entertainer Jeff Katzenberg hugs Al Gore

THE VICE PRESIDENT...

Accepts bags of groceries from Maryland contractors

Attends fundraisers given by Chinese influence peddlers

CANINE SOLACE OFFERED BY ...

King Timahoe

Buddy

SIDESHOW

Vietnam

Iraq

MOVIE THAT HAD THE MOST DRAMATIC RESONANCE

Deep Throat

Deep Throat

DISSEMBLING SPOKESMAN

Ron Ziegler

Mike McCurry

THE PRESIDENT SEEKS LATE-NIGHT SOLACE BY ...

Talking to oil portraits of former presidents

Playing Boggle on Air Force One

VINDICATED, AT LAST

Hubert Humphrey

Genmfer Flowers

THE BUFFOON BRIGADE

Chuck Colson

Dick Morris

AND THE BIG BOOK CONTRACT GOES TO...

Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein

Michael Isikoff

LIKELY HISTORICAL JUDGMENT

"A good president, but a deeply flawed man.

"A good president, but a deeply flawed man.

THE VIEW FROM GEORGETOWN

["Nixon was never really a Washington insider." - Sally Quinn

"Clinton was never really a Washington insider. - Sally Quinn

BRUCE FEIRSTEIN

EVGENIA PERETZ