The COASTER Correspondence

MORE OF THE VERY EXPENSIVE WORDS OF Edwin John Coaster, CONTRIBUTING EDITOR

MICHAEL HOGAN SENIOR ARTICLES EDITOR

October 19, 2007

Graydon:

Thanks for putting me in charge of running VF's podcast. I'm very excited about this opportunity. Here are the first fruits of my brainstorming efforts... On the fourth of each month, Broadway legend Jim Dale reads the entire new issue aloud. VE Sports: our weekly take on events in the sporting world, featuring Buzz Bissinger and maybe one of the other heterosexuals on the masthead. Dept. of Secret Talents: Did you know that Barlett and Steele have teamed with those guys you brought over from The Atlantic, Cullen Murphy and William Langewiesche, to form a barbershop quartet? They call themselves the Special Repor-Tones. They're evidently quite the hit at church suppers, summer fairs, and ground-breaking ceremonies. Finally, and forgive me for asking, what about Ed Coaster? I know he's not high on your list these days, but he has that great radio voice, and an audio essay he did for All Things Considered, "The Lanyard and the Laminate," has been No. 1 on N.P.R.'s most e-mailed list for three consecutive days! .._,L

Thanks again,

The Lanyard and the Laminate October 16, 2007, from All Things Considered 

Edwin Coaster: The lanyard and the laminate hang loose from my wattled neck-a slack mockery of phallus and scrote, a nylon-weave  emasculation. "Edwin iohn Coaster" reads my badge, "V.I.P. Keynot Speaker." 

I am a famous reporter and novelist-or, rather, I used to be. Of lat I've slid off the syllabi of the universities, off the radar of the maga for which I putatively write, off the front page of the Sunday review sections. Now I find myself relegated to the gilded purgatory of the speakers' circuit, addressing tax lawyers and pharmaceutical sales re at resort conferences, pocketing my poundage and per diem for thirt five minutes' worth of shopworn reminiscence. I step to the podium. I survey my audience, all corporate-logo polo shirts, the piqué mesh stretched thin over distended bellies. I can ma out the outlines of some of their navels. And the goatees-why so ma goatees? "Good afternoon," I begin. "And don't worry-I'll have you out of here by five. I have an appointment at the bar with a Mr. Blanton." I hate this joke as much as I mean it, But it does always get a laugh, sometimes

October 23, 2007 Heidi-ho, Graydon! We, the Special Repor-Tones, are thrilled in the key of deee-lighted to participate in the VF podcast! It all started for us when Don Barlett and I discovered we were both members of SPEBSQUA, the Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barbershop Quartet singing in America. One thing led to another, and now the four of us are a big draw at church suppers, summer fairs, ground-breaking ceremonies, and other assorted shivarees and rowdy dows! Our repertoire includes "Li'l Liza Jane," "Lida Rose," and "Wait `Til the Sun Shines, Nellie." And for those who like to "rock out," we do an "almost a cappella" version of "Penny Lane" in which Langewiesche demonstrates his formidable skills on the piccolo trumpet! Give us a toodle-oo when you're ready for us! Yours,

Cullen Murphy High Tenor