Dept. of MEMOIR Pitching

VANITIES

OFFICE OF THE VICE PRESIDENT WASHINGTON

November 5. 2008

This is Cheney. If my attorney released this document to you. you know why I am writing. You had the good judgment not to do that book Angk'r. The I.R.S. is currently drafting audit letters to the entire senior staff of Penguin Press.

I am told that it is the custom to provide, in detail, the contents of the memoir to be written. To which I respond: So?'

But here. just as a matter of personal virtue, I've provided some nuggets.

The book is called Undisclosed Vacation. Don't tell anyone that title. We will announce it when I say it's time.

Undisclosed Vocalion will be robust with revelations. Big-time revelations. Such as:

* My personal life: I have a wife. Lynne Cheney: two daughters: and six grandchildren. All their names will be revealed.

*Bombshell: It wasnt fi;'e deferments andfiiur heart attacks. It was four andfi;~. See how the liberal media can't keep simple facts straight?

* The truth about what happened that February day in 2006. All due respect to I-larry Whittington-fine quail-hunter, fine human being, fine American -but I can and will prove self-defense.

My career as Fords chief of staff. Wyoming congressman. minority whip. 41's secretary of defense. and overlord of Halliburton. up to but excluding my current position.

O.K.. up to and including. But I'm not happy about that.

* A candid analysis of my two tenures as acting president: the Colonoscopy Regime (two hours. 15 minutes. 2002) and the Polyp-Removal Regime. a.k.a. (`heney Restoration" (two hours, 30 minutes, 2007).

`A no-holds-barred account of the behind-the-scenes machinations and fierce infighting between myself and me that led to me recommending myself to me as (icorge W. Bush's running mate in 2000. There was blood on the floor, and, remarkably, none of it was mine.

But guess what? While you were reading this, the whole thing was actually taken care of. You have, in Fact. already bought Undisclosed `oc~iUon for eight figures. printed it. shipped it. and promoted it. (Unsatisfactorily on that last Count, hut we can talk about that when ego quail-hunting.)

It has been a pleasure doing business with you.

Confidentially.

Richard B. Cheney

VP_Joe_08

So who’s gonna put O. to test? North Korea? Iran? Al-Qaeda? Maybe a rogue Alaska-which reminds me of the time in Scranton when Tommy ran awa

8:59 AM Nov 12th

Hunkering down, peering through blinds, on lookout for pending international crisis!

7:57 AM Nov 12th

On Acela train to D.C. (same old Joe!), thinking back to my childhood days testing the patience of poor Sister Frances, God love 'er, by pok 6:04 AM Nov 12th

En route to the station. As I was saying before my character count ran out, the internet is a marvelous thing, and it makes me recall my tim 11:46 pvt Nov Hth

Obama’s savvy young team wants me to Twitter. Don’t know if I can communicate in 140 characters, though. It reminds me of the time in Scrant 11:39 pvt Nov llth

The twitter-ing Classes

THE TWEETS OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS

Caribou_Candidate_2012!

Cornin’ Back!12:01 AM Nov 16th

Strategizin' w/K Rove. 8:27 pvt Nov 15th

Negotiatin’ w/R Ailes. 5:36 PM NOV 15th

Shoppin' 3:07 PM NOV 15th

Fishin’ 9:53 KM NOV 15th

Huntin’ 6:15 AM NOV 15th

By Michael Buckner/ Getty Images

Sumner_Forever

Calling Moonves and Dauman:

Where the hell did all my money go?

7:14 PM Oct 17th

Credit card bounced! Actress had to pay!

7:13 PM Oct 17th

Ignoring text from daughter Shari re: stock prices. Had warned her never to contact me unless it’s about fixing me up w/an actress.

6:28 PM Oct 17th

Going to dinner with actress @ II Piccolino. Looking forward to fish. 6:20 PM Oct 17th

Watching Viacom and CBS stock tank, again. Selling stocks to cover margins. Again.

11:40 AM Oct 17th

Getting fixed up with an actress. 10:59 KM Oct 17th

Divorcing Paula. 10:58 AM Oct 17th

BRUCE FEIRSTEIN