Intelligence Report: THE DICTATORS

SADDAM HUSSEIN

ROBERT MUGABE

FIDEL CASTRO

KIM JONG II

DICK CHENEY

TITLE

Glorious Leader

President

Dictator for Life

Dear Leader

Commander

SIGNATURE LOOK

Desert Fox

Gray suit, polka-dot tie, Church's shoes

Fatigues, de Gaullestyle kepi

Gray button-front pajama suit

Brooks Brothers twobutton in gray

GIFT TO HIS PEOPLE

A Koran written in his blood

Wife is patron of national tennis program

Six-hour speeches

$90 million Dear memorial park

Paul O' Neill

BIG COOL FRIEND

Europe

Colonel Qaddafi

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

The second-richest man in China, Yang Bin

Rummy

LITTLE BUDDY

Yasser

Queen Elizabeth II

Gerard Depardieu

"Pretty nurse"/ attendant

Dubya

OBSESSION

Indoor fountains, streams, and waterfalls

Lottery fixing

Watergate

James Bond

Unexploited energy assets

HAIR INSPIRATION

Wayne Newton

Robert Guillaume

Rasputin

Heat Miser

Mr. Burns

PICKUP LINE

"I submit to your unrestricted inspection."

"A confiscated farm for the pretty lady?"

"You know, Che was a very good friend of mine."

Wanna ride on the Axis of

"The vice-presidency's just my day job."

HOME

Different palace every night

The Iron Mask Estate

Palacio de la Revolucion

Seven-story mansion with karaoke wave pool

Undisclosed location

SIGNATURE ACCESSORY

Dwarf cameraman

White gloves

Side arm holster

Shoe lifts

Defil Defibrillating shock paddles

HOBBY

Romanticnovel writing

Cricket

Cold War reminiscences

Boogie Boarding in indoor wave pool

Fly-fishing

ENEMY

43 and 41

Nelson Mandela

The Miami relatives

Kim Dae Jung

Powell

MERCEDES OF CHOICE

Black limo with running bo and curtained windows

Pullman

Limo

S 600

Lincoln, "the American Mercedes"

FAVORITE FOOD

Fish with Mateus rose

Papaya candy

Homemade pasta and shrimp

Fruit and turtles

Meat and potatoes

LICENSE PLATE FRAME

Scud stud on board

My way or Zimbabwe

Dictators do it for life!

Have you hugged your Dear Leader today?

Too blessed to be stressed

POSSE

Look-alike army

Green Bomber Youth Brigade

Young Communist League

Microminiskirted palace-girl bands

Halliburton board

ADAM LEFF

RICHARD RUSHFIELD